segunda-feira, 28 de janeiro de 2008

facing the shooting squad

confessions bellow:

28, janeiro, 2008.
End of Small Sanctuary

What exactly are my values?
And what exactly do i want to accomplish here?

To do his bidding?
Probably...
To make him proud?
Probably...

But in fact i want to show that i can be all he wants...
But why?
Because i want to prove him right?
Or wrong?

No, i believe that what he says is a good path, actually is a very good path.
But to walk down that path wich he built all through his life, wich far surpasses mine in both experiences and time, i need to build my own path, and thus i need to have experiences wich can be strong enough to create stone by stone a path that can compare to his...

Why compare?
Because i can`t just buy a path out of nowere, i can`t just sprout a path out of my mouth and start walking down it.

I don`t even know wich stones to choose, or wich stones there are around!
And worse than that, i chose some rough and weak stones to set down, up until now.

I can`t defend my path, i don`t like it
I don`t believe in it
And so i can`t see wich are the bad stones
I can only hope that the little i can percieve of his path, i can trail one similar to it.
But his path seems far away
Seems distant and omnipresent, like a second horizon set against the sky

His path is sepparated from mine by thousands of miles of rough jungles, of past years and past experiences, jungles filed with snakes and wild beasts.

And so is nearly impossible for me to reach his path.
I can only imagine what to do, and so i repeatedly mistake his good stones in the distance for broken pieces of gravel at my feet.

From now on the image of his path will be my inspiration, no longer a guide.
My own path made by stones chosen with his help
But those stones will forever be different from his.
And that i can`t change

My path shall be a shining new one, built out of my dreams and actions
My path shall be a simple one
My path shall be that of a mortal man.
It will be that wich i can build, with all my strenght.

I can do it

And shame shall fade
And loss of faith shall fade
And weakness shall fade


But should i do it for miself, or for others?
Can i be able to do it at the same time for me and others?
Can i?

This mourning`s vice will become the fuel to ignite my work

I will not continue being selfish, i will not continue being lame, i will not continue being lazy, my life will change, with help of all my friends, all my relations

It will
It will become a shining new life



I will leave this bad dreams behind
And wake up to a new kind of day


The sun will be my guide
Into the light





Feeling newborn and grasping for breath